How allies let trans people down

Please be a better ally!

Photo by Edgar Chaparro on Unsplash

We’ve heard it so often that it feels like an empty platitude: “actions speak louder than words”, yet this is a vital message for these dark times.

All of my cis friends regard me positively as a trans person, and for many of them, that extends to trans people generally. Actually, it better be all of them!

Actions speak louder than words. Supportive likes and comments on social media are nice, but they do absolutely nothing to improve the situation for trans people. It’s great that you are positive about trans people; it’s great that you tell me that. I need you to tell other people: your family, your friends, your MP, the Prime Minister. Out of all my cis friends, to my knowledge, I could count the number who have spoken out on the fingers of one hand. Not including my thumb.

We’re drowning right now. Rabid transphobes are allying with well-funded right-wing extremists to attack trans people, and heartbreakingly, trans kids. We trans people have to stand practically alone against this because very few cis people are willing to stand beside us. I understand why. They can see how rabid and terrifying transphobia is. Trans people don’t get to choose whether to face it or not. Cis people do, and they don’t want it touching them, no thank you.

Transphobia is a huge wedge issue. Let’s be clear trans people are not a wedge issue; transphobia is. Just as slavery is an issue; not slaves, and islamophobia is an issue; not Muslims. Potential allies either stay silent (Kier Starmer, Labour) or resign (Siân Berry, Greens). Transphobia is causing cracks in the progressive side of politics right when we need unity to fight right-wing extremism.

Transphobia is pulling apart other groups too. I’ve just resigned my membership of a local lesbian social group that I joined many years ago. Transphobia was not an issue until the recent backlash against trans acceptance. The group changed its strapline to make it explicit that trans people are welcome. However, nothing changed other than that. Every few months, someone would try their hand posting some dog-whistle transphobia on the Facebook group, and the all-cis team of moderators would be slow to spot it. I left because they are providing a safe space for trans people in words only, not actions. To act on their promise, they need to spot transphobia quickly and remove it: they need a moderator who is trans. I see the same thing in other groups.

Unless you actively support trans people and our rights, then you’re letting transphobia proliferate. So if you’re a cis person reading this and consider yourself a trans ally, here’s what I want you to do:

1. Tell all your friends and family you’re a trans ally before you tell trans people. You’re not a genuine ally until you stand up for us in the presence of others. Actions speak louder than words.
2. Talk to the decision-makers who can do something about our plight. You can be absolutely sure that they’re going to hear from many people who want to make our lives worse or somehow erase us from society altogether. It makes a huge difference if someone speaks up for us who isn’t us because it is the default position of people in power not to listen to or believe minorities. Your letter is worth 100 of mine.
3. Accept that trans people know what transphobia is. So much of modern transphobia is in the form of dog whistles; trans people hear it loud and clear, while allies hear nothing. So when a trans person tells you something is transphobic, instead of denying it, ask them to explain. You’ll probably learn something interesting.
4. Critically evaluate the claims made against trans people. Ask your trans friends what they think.

I want you to know that this is not a culture war; it’s a war over human rights, and you can help win it. Please be an ally worthy of the title.